Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Begginings

The past couple of days have been life changing days that are days I probably won't ever forget. I think I should tell this story knowing that there are people out there that have gone through or are going through some of the things that I've experienced during the last week. Here I go. Quite a while ago, I came out as gay. Yet, very few of my closest friends knew I was gay. I told my four closest friends from high school back in September 2008. Yet I still I hadn't told my family or the rest of my friends. Fast forward to Wednesday of last week. I was beginning to consider if I wanted to come out to my family and the rest of my friends who I hadn't come out to yet. So for most of last week I spent quite a bit of time thinking about if I was ready to come out to other friends. Then yesterday I was at school all day, and I posted a status update on my facebook about how I was wondering why some things are so hard. I got a comment from a friend. That comment meant so much to me, and I realized that I was ready to come out to people, and was able to come out to a bunch of my friends via status update on facebook. The number of comments and private messages I received that were coming to me with support was so amazing.


Three years ago
I finally began to come to terms
with everything that's going on
I had to come to terms with it
I had to learn what to do
and how to live with everything

A year passes
and all I know is how to do
is hold it in
repress things I know
repress part of who I am
I can't let this get out yet
'cause then everything will be so hard to coupe with
and I won't know how

Another year passes
and I'm beginning to do more than survive
and maybe I'm ready
to tell people
who I am
where I am

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Going back to then

Today I wanted to go back to something that happened over a year ago. On 9/10/08 I finally came out as gay right here on this blog. Right now I am writing this blog and watching a youtube video.
The video is one from a channel called the beaverbunch. They are an amazing group of people that do regular video blogs about various topics related to the GLBT community and questions people have for them. So back to what I really started off blogging about that I really wanted to blog about today. Back when I first came out, it was amazing some of the responses that I got from peopl that I know personally that just casually read this blog. So many people were so accepting of the fact that I am gay. I wish I had kept a message I revieved via facebook from a friend after she read my blog on 9/10/08 because that message was such a good one to recieve. At that point in my life I was so scared how people were going to react to me coming out. So in recieving that message from a friend I begin to realize that people would eventually come around to the idea that I am gay. I also wanted to go a little bit into my coming out story/stories.

The first time I came out was on this blog on 9/10/08. That was a big thing because it was the first time I really said it and began to admit it to the world. Exactly a month later on 10/10/09 I posted a youtube video on my channel ( during which I came out again. Last fall I was at a grocery store in Midland for an interview, and was getting some pens and pencil for my classes. While I was waiting to check out, a guy walked up behind me to check out. The two of us started talking about school stuff and somehow the conversation came to relationships. It was just aukward for me to have to tell a complete stranger that I am gay, yet when he found out he was fine with finding out.