Friday, December 18, 2009

Project for Awesome

Watch my video, and other nerdfighters videos, comment on them, rate them and favorite them and help us take over youtube!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Donate Buton explination (AKA raising money to record my first album)

As you may notice, if you are a regular visitor to my blog, you'll notice that I added a donate button. Now to explain why I added this donation button, and what that's all about. Since the middle of last week I have been debating weather or not to record a solo album. I did some research, and there is a recording studio in Saginaw that I can do the recording at. And so I had to do some research into how much time and money it would cost me to record the album. I ended up figuring between five and 30 hours to actually record it; which comes out to between 200 and 1200 dollars just for the recording sessions. After that I'm guess up to 150 dollars on CD's, CD cases, and the insert to go with a CD depending on how many CD's I can sell.

Here's where the donation button comes in--
To record I need money, and to make copies of it I need money. And in all honesty I have no money right now since I just payed my tuition today (a grand total of 1294.70 dollars). So if you click on the donate button, you can donate any amount of money you feel like you want to donate so I can record and put out the album. Also, if you are like me and completley broke another way you can help me out is by going to the following link:
and commenting on your favorite set of lyrics so I know which songs are the most popular and should turn up on the CD.
So go donate and help me pick out which songs to include.

Life is too short. Do something fun today.

Two Months

It's been nearly two months since I came out. Wow. Has it really been that long?

I've had a fair share of things happen since then. Everything that has happened somehow worked out so well. I honestly never thought that people would be so cool when I came out, and were so accepting of me. Nobody seemed to question it. But people did come up to me and wanting to make sure I was doing okay, and wanting to make sure I was holding up okay; that I was doing okay.

And things are going well. I've made the transition from being in transition from being in the closet to being completely out.

Monday, December 7, 2009

NaNoWriMo novel update

I've spent the whole morning thinking about the novel I wrote for National Novel Writing Month. I also spent about two hours last night thinking about it. Since I started really thinking about it, it hit me that I really haven't finished the novel. Sure I crossed the 50,000 word mark making me a winner of NaNoWriMo (, but that doesn't mean that I really finished the novel. When I was at the end of November, and trying to cross the 50,000 word mark, I thought I had the novel just about done. But what I didn't realize at that time was how much more to the novel there was, and just how much I yet had to write.

When I first began writing the novel, I thought that it would be in two parts. Half of it would be about one family and the second half would be about a different family. That came true. But what I didn't realize was that there were two other parts I hadn't even thought about exploring. Those two parts are about two different characters that appear in each of the original two parts (One of them in the original part one, and the other in the original part two). So now I am going attempt to write the two parts that I haven't written yet and get them put into the novel. I hope it works out.

Friday, December 4, 2009

NaNoWriMo novel and other stuff going on in my life

NaNoWriMo Novel:
My nanowrimo novel came out in two parts. Part one was a part that I knew almost exactly would happen since I decided to write this novel near the end of October. The second part was harder to write because it didn't pop into my head until later in the month. Rachel appears in the second part of my nanowrimo novel, which challenged me. The characters in the second part were more difficult to predict, so I spent a lot of time staring at the computer screen trying to figure them out. But I enjoyed writing the second part so much because the characters challanged me in ways I didn't expect. Rachel was one of the characters that got to me. Some of the things she has to go through during her life weren't easy to write because I knew how much those experiences could hurt because I went through a time when I didn't know if those situations were ones I could experience during my life. Naturally that made me not want to hurt her, but in the end I did end up putting her in some tough situations that I don't anyone ever wants to experience. One of my favorite parts to write was one that I am experiencing myself at the moment. I loved writing that part not only because I'm experiencing that situation myself, but also because it's a part of life for everyone who falls in love and is trying to figure out how to tell the person they fell in love how they feel.

My life:
Tonight I have my first piano recital since June 2006 at 6:30PM at the Midland Center for the arts. I feel like I have been working on the two peices I will be playing tonight in front of the rest of my teachers students and their families for a good two months, but one I have been playing for nearly four months, and the other I've only been playing for a month. I am definatly excited for tonight. Thankfully after my first several years of lessons (Febuary 2000 through June 2006), I played in roughly 13 of my piano teachers recitals, played in Keyboardfest five times, and did the piano SAT testing here in town (aka theroy, technique, and preformance testing.), I have become used to playing in front of people even if I don't know them. Exmple: The first year I did the piano SAT testing here in town I was in seventh grade. I was completley prepared for it when I got to the church it is held at, even though I had no idea how it was set up, how the piano I was to play for the preformance aspect would play. I found out upon my arrival with my mom that I was going to have to do my preformance for a judge in the front of the sanctuary. EEEK! That was a scary thought, for that meant the seventh grade me, who had never done this before, was going to have to walk down the isle and past the judge before I reached the piano. Not exactly the best situatin for the tiny seventh grade me who had never done this before, was super nervous about playing for a judge, and was rather shy. So yeah...if you have every played in a competition or played for a judge wether it was for testing (like the piano SAT I went through four times, and yes I did want to do it all four times. I think I rather like putting myself in places where there is a challange.) or for a competition, I think you'll understand the nerves that can accompany playing in front of a judge where it is only you.

I know my piano teacher has quite a few begginer students, and most of her students are younger than me, which of course adds an element that is interusting. Younger kids always look up to those who are older than them. It's true. Just ask the elementary version of myself who looked up to the middle-schoolers who were acolites at church. Little kids ALWAYS look up to people who are older than them, especially when the person they look up to can do something better than they can. I know that the older kids that are playing tonight also look up to people, after all doesn't everybody have someone they look up to for one reason or anouther? One of the things I can remember during my high school years of playing the piano, taking lessons, and playing in recitals, and getting to see a concert pianist play here in Midland with the symphony orchestra in November 2004. What amazed me about that convert was that the concert piansist was only a year older than me (litterally she's something like one year and eleven days older than me!), and she was playing so well. During the Winter 2007 semester here at Delta, I took a class called piano 2. Basically it was a group piano class where we all were supposed to be learning to play the piano. I honestly would have tested into piano three if piano three was offered, so I found the class quite easy. Each class (once a week on Mondays that semester) we had to play a peice we had been given the week before. That first preformance we played in front of the class with everyone listening to you play. When it came my turn, I pretty much knew I was one of the better players in the class, and I had the peice practically memorized it was so easy. So I played. I could sense that people in the class were amazed by how well I was playing. It wasn't that the other people in the room were bad, but it was that I had more playing time from six years of lessons before this class. So yeah. I don't know how people are going to react to what I am playing tonight during the recital, but I do know that I can play both peices well, and will be fine. Although I am also sure that I will eaither make a mistake or won't do something dynamic wise that I won't be happy with. That's just what happens when you play the piano and are playing at the level I am-you get mad at yourself over the tiniest mistakes that nobody else notices because you know you could have done that so much better.

I miss being that little sixth and seventh grader who played the piano so kid-like. When I see a lot of adult players/older piano players and the kid players play one after anouther, it hits me how much fun the kids have, and how little fun the older students tend to have. That's something that I've been having to push myself to do-be more of a kid when I play the piano. What I've found is that the more I enjoy playing, the more I think like a kid would, the better I play and the more fun I have.

Life is too short. Do something fun today.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

November re-run

As you may very well know, I participated in National Novel Writing Month this November. I really wanted to finish with 50000 words or more, and I did. But the thing that amazed me was how much writing that happened during the last eight days of November. I actually wrote 17000 words those last eight days, which averages out to 2125 words a day if I had written every day. But I didn't write every single day those last eight days. During the last Tuesday of November, I spent most of my day in Delta's library in the far back corner on a computer writing about 8000 to 9000 words. I then spent Monday November 30 writing about 8000 words. Most Tuesdays were spent in the back corner of the Delta library between classes writing my heart out, and trying to catch up on my word count since I spent most of the month behind on my word count. On Monday November 30, I crossed the finish line of 50000, validating with the nanowrimo site at 50025 words, even though my word document showed my word count as 50050. I validated at about 3:30 that afternoon, and then headed home via bike with way too much pent up energy from the month of November. After all I spent all of November keeping up with classes, homework, piano lessons, bell rehearsals, bell performances, driving to and from classes, and sitting in front of a computer typing away. And I had drunk a little too much caffine than I should have. So I naturally had some pent up energy to release, so it felt good to head home on bike and use some of the pent up energy. If there is one thing I could suggest to any future nanowrimos, it is that you don't leave the last 8000 words to write until the last day of November, because you are likely to quit like I nearly did in the five minutes before crossing the finish line.

Even though I crossed the finish line of 50000 words, I haven't finished the novel yet. So, I have challanged myself to finish the novel by January first. I don't know if I'll make it, but hey, I didn't know if I'd finish nanowrimo. So I shall let you know if I make the January first deadline.

Past, Future

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
arms open wide
as they wait for me
to appear

Courage don't desert me now
now that I'm taking one step at a time
I can't turn back now that I'm here
life is full of choices
and no one mentions fear
of how people will react

Somewhere down this world
people will find themselves more accepting
having realized how wrong they were
about causing so much fear
in so many

Back to who I was
and onward
to find the future
on this journey to the past
one step at a time
one foot in front of the other

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
arms open wide
as they wait for me
to appear

I wont turn back
I can look back and remember
but I can't go back to who I was
who I used to be
too much has changed
and those changes
have changed my life for the better

One step at a time
who knows where this road may go
there are things I still need to know
and I hope this road leads me forward
into the future

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
arms open wide
as they wait for me
to appear

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


So things are crazy, have been crazy the past day or so. Yesterday I had a little too much caffine (double latte, three cokes) throughout the day, and therefore couldn't go to sleep last night until about 1am. And I had to get up at 6:30 this morning so I could get to school by eight to get some work done on my novel. And so I am now working on my carmel double latte, and typing this post. Dang coffee!!!! Yesterday I wrote over 3000 words. Yesterday I lost myself a few times in the process of writing a novel, and found myself at a loss for words and didn't know where to go next. And so now, I am going to go back to my word document and try to loose myself.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

One month later

"Don't turn back now that we're here
people always say
life is full of choices
no one ever mentions fear
or how the world can seem so vast
on a journey to the past
somewhere down this road
I know someones waiting
years of dreams just cant be wrong
arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
finally home where I belong
well starting now I'm learning fast
on this journey to the past
there was once a time that I must of had them too
I will never be complete until I find you
one step at a time
one hope then another
who knows where this road may go
back to who I was
on to find my future
things my heart still needs to know
yes, let this be a sign
let this road be mine
let it lead me to my past
and bring me home
at last"
from the song "Journey to the Past"
from the movie "Anastasia"

It will have been a month ago as of tomorrow. That thought is a bit scary. It was about a month ago that I officially came out to friends and family on facebook. I know it seems weird that I did it on facebook. But it worked out for me, and things changed quite a bit since then.
Two months ago:
School was getting going, and I was beggining to consider how to come out to everybody that didn't know (which was most of everybody that knows me.). I can clearly remember sitting in the back of the library roughly where I sit now writing this blog post, looking at my facebook page, and thinking about coming out. I nearly did it in that first month, but I didn't know what words to use, who to tell first, how they would react when they found out, so it didn't happen in September, but it nearly happened several times.
One Month ago:
Sitting back in the library again near where I am sitting now, I was staring at my facebook page on several different ocasions, with a blank message open ready to do it, but unsure of what words to use. Several times I thought about doing it, but I didn't do it. I didn't write the words. October 13 rolled around, and throughout the day I just sat there at a computer working on various things for classes and projects I had going at the time. At one point I opened up a blank message again, and began typing, but it didnt feel quite right; as if I wasn't supposed to come out that way. At 2:53 I deleted that message, and did a status update saying "Why are some things so difficult?". Half an hour later, a good friend of mine left me a comment saying "So that you learn how to overcome adversity!". Twenty minutes pass, and I read my friends comment on that status update. That's when I suddenly typed the following into the status update bar: "I Guess things are difficult so we overcome adversity. I guess it's time for me to say it. Maybe it'll get eaisier the more I do this. I'm gay."; and hit the submit button. With that I broke down momentarily before realizing that I had to leave for class, that I had finally come out, and felt unsure of how people were going to react. So I logged off, and went to class. After class I got back to the library, and logged into facebook to see if anyone had commented on that status update or sent me a message. I ended up with four comments on the status and two messages about the status update. It was 7:13pm, and I finally knew how people were reacting to my coming out. Nobody reacted poorly. Everybody was so positive and encouraging. By Sunday evening had such a good feeling about finally being out. That night I was working in the church nursery for a class that was going on, and for whatever reason the bell choir director, who I have now known for over a year, was at church for something or other. She stopped by the nursery that night, and grabbed my attention. Thankfully there were two other people working, so it wasn't a big deal that I left for a couple of minutes to talk to the bell director. As soon as I got out into the lobby area where Dianne was standing waiting for me, she said something to me (I can't believe that I don't remember what she said. somedays I want to beat myself over the head for not remembering or recording what she said to me.), and gave me a great big hug. I just remember how positive she was about my coming out, and how supportive she was. I can remember just about crying in that moment when she hugged me because I had had no idea how she would react, and for the first time in my life I felt like I could completley be myself and not have to worry about being judge for it.
It's amazing how far I've come in a month. A week or so ago I was out at lunch with the bell choir I play with at church to celebrate one of the bell choirs members 50th anniversary. At that point, someone came over to me and asked a couple questions about how I was doing and how my family was holding up after my having come out. I answered her questions, and for one of the first times in my life I knew just how much had changed for me. I felt so free, so much more like who I know I am, and didn't feel like I was going to be judged anymore. Cut to last night at the bell choir rehearsal. On Sunday we are doing all of the non-hymn music for one of the services because we have had a bell choir for ten years now. So this week we had rehearsals on Monday and last night. We have another one on Saturday morning from nine until noon, and will be at church at 7:30 am on Sunday morning to warm up for the 8:45 service. Back to last nights rehearsal. There were times when I looked at the bell director, and our eyes connected, and it just felt like there's a connection there that wasn't there before I came out. Later on in the rehearsal we had a break. So one of my friends and I were sitting there together in two different pews. I was behind and to my friends left. I can't remember what we were talking about even. But we were having a conversation that I can see myself having had a year ago. This friend I was talking to was the same one with some questions for me a week or two ago at that lunch I mentioned. It's amazing how quickly things changed for me.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Chart Jackers-all the possiblilities

I've been attempting to keep up with this thing called chart jackers on youtube. Basically they started off wanted to create a song that they will make money from that then will be donated to children in need. This children in need thing is a UK way to raise money for children who are in need. I know Children in Need has used the UK casts of musicals to help get donations and do preformances. I thought it might be fun if those of us here in the US could do something like this. The only problem is I don't know how many people would want to do this here in the US. We also could use help from outside of the US if anybody outside of the US wanted to help us.

"The Perfect Wrong Note Learning to Trust Your Musical Self"

My piano teacher is having me read this book. It is quite amazing. I suggest reading it if you are in music.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Begginings

The past couple of days have been life changing days that are days I probably won't ever forget. I think I should tell this story knowing that there are people out there that have gone through or are going through some of the things that I've experienced during the last week. Here I go. Quite a while ago, I came out as gay. Yet, very few of my closest friends knew I was gay. I told my four closest friends from high school back in September 2008. Yet I still I hadn't told my family or the rest of my friends. Fast forward to Wednesday of last week. I was beginning to consider if I wanted to come out to my family and the rest of my friends who I hadn't come out to yet. So for most of last week I spent quite a bit of time thinking about if I was ready to come out to other friends. Then yesterday I was at school all day, and I posted a status update on my facebook about how I was wondering why some things are so hard. I got a comment from a friend. That comment meant so much to me, and I realized that I was ready to come out to people, and was able to come out to a bunch of my friends via status update on facebook. The number of comments and private messages I received that were coming to me with support was so amazing.


Three years ago
I finally began to come to terms
with everything that's going on
I had to come to terms with it
I had to learn what to do
and how to live with everything

A year passes
and all I know is how to do
is hold it in
repress things I know
repress part of who I am
I can't let this get out yet
'cause then everything will be so hard to coupe with
and I won't know how

Another year passes
and I'm beginning to do more than survive
and maybe I'm ready
to tell people
who I am
where I am

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Going back to then

Today I wanted to go back to something that happened over a year ago. On 9/10/08 I finally came out as gay right here on this blog. Right now I am writing this blog and watching a youtube video.
The video is one from a channel called the beaverbunch. They are an amazing group of people that do regular video blogs about various topics related to the GLBT community and questions people have for them. So back to what I really started off blogging about that I really wanted to blog about today. Back when I first came out, it was amazing some of the responses that I got from peopl that I know personally that just casually read this blog. So many people were so accepting of the fact that I am gay. I wish I had kept a message I revieved via facebook from a friend after she read my blog on 9/10/08 because that message was such a good one to recieve. At that point in my life I was so scared how people were going to react to me coming out. So in recieving that message from a friend I begin to realize that people would eventually come around to the idea that I am gay. I also wanted to go a little bit into my coming out story/stories.

The first time I came out was on this blog on 9/10/08. That was a big thing because it was the first time I really said it and began to admit it to the world. Exactly a month later on 10/10/09 I posted a youtube video on my channel ( during which I came out again. Last fall I was at a grocery store in Midland for an interview, and was getting some pens and pencil for my classes. While I was waiting to check out, a guy walked up behind me to check out. The two of us started talking about school stuff and somehow the conversation came to relationships. It was just aukward for me to have to tell a complete stranger that I am gay, yet when he found out he was fine with finding out.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


It's been a long day
and I'm finnally getting home
I'm so ready for a show
and I'm ready to get in bed
and fall asleep

class has finally finished
tigers game is still going on
and it's ties at four-four
I hope they win it
hope they make it too the playoffs

tigers game is still going on
now tigers are up five to four
maybe they'll win it all
come on guys
lets get three quick outs to end this game

the twins scored
that can't be good
please hold them off
and score a run in the next inning
please win this game

The twins scored
and the tigers didn't
and so that's that
the game is over
the tigers aren't in the playoffs
when the blew an eight game lead

Finally home
jump in the shower
let the water wash over me
wash away the pain of loosing against to the twins
I'll go to bed and things will be better tomarrow

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


We've been together for quite some time
and you've been there when I needed you
I've been there when you needed me
I've known you since I was ten
you were two
but that didn't mean we couldn't be friends
we were friends from the start
we were friends as soon as we meet

Speeding down this road
all I can think of is the horizon
and of who I was
and the life I can sense is out there waiting for me

I'm miles from everything I've grown up with
yet my eyes are on what lies ahead
the horizon I can only barley see
the only thing still with me on this road
to my new life
is you, my life long friend
you're the only thing with me that has been constant

Speeding down this road
all I can think of is the horizon
and of who I was
and the life I can sense is out there waiting for me

I look back once
but don't look back again
knowing that that's when I wounder if I'm in the right place
wounder if I'm doing the right thing
instead of looking back at the life I once had
I look at you, who is standing at my side
and who is supporting me all the way

And you are there every time I need you
You're always at my side
when you least expect
opportunity walks through the door
and that's when it hits me-this is my chance
my chance to spread my wings
see things from a different view
see you chasing after me down on the ground
as I fly through the air

In a way I've lost you
as I move on with my life
even though you've been with me this long
even though you're still there next to me
even though you're bellow me, chasing me down as I fly through the air
I guess it's time to let go
let things happen when they happen

why aren't you holding me now
why are you so far from me
why aren't you at my side
where are you when I need you the most
are you just a figment of my imagination
or are you real
why am I alone
why am I so alone?
I've had mixed results
in what I've tried to do
and ended up doing
I guess that's to be expected
I really need to get my head on straight
so things don't get so mixed up

After I crash and burn
I'll come out,
and then I'll shine like the sun
and I won't give up, even though there aren't any guarantees that I'll succeed
but why give up,
there's always tomorrow to try again

here I go
I can't back down
I have to go in
and do this; head into the unknown

I could crash and burn in my attempt
to find myself in this world
where I seem to have lost myself
and I am ready to crash and burn
after all that seems to be how I'll find myself
and that's okay with me

After I crash and burn
I'll come out,
and then I'll shine like the sun
and I won't give up, even though there aren't any guarantees that I'll succeed
but why give up,
there's always tomorrow to try again

it seemed so scary when I would crash and burn when I was younger
but now it seems like one possibility of how to find myself in this world
sure I've had mixed results in everything I've done
but isn't that normal for some?

After I crash and burn
I'll come out,
and then I'll shine like the sun
and I won't give up, even though there aren't any guarantees that I'll succeed
but why give up,
there's always tomorrow to try again

there's always tomorrow
I can try again tomorrow if it doesn't work today
I can try again tomorrow if things don't work out today
I can try again tomorrow
'cause there's always tomorrow
there's always tomorrow
there's always tomorrow

I thought I would start a new series of posts here. I wanted to get back to doing this kind of post again. A while ago I was posting a series of blogs that were just poems/lyrics for songs. I wanted to get back to this for several reasons that I won't go into completley, but I thought it might be interusting to see progression of my life in these lyrics/poems.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


It's the fall, and you know what that means! It means it's that time of year when everyone ends up sick. Thankfully I've been dealing with a cold that isn't all that bad, so I haven't had to slow down or miss too much. I am not looking forward to this flu season for one simple reason--I'm spending 8+ hours a week around children under the age of 6. If you have children, or know anything about children, you'll know that they carry sickness with them wherever they go. Naturally that makes me more immune to getting a bit sick and catching whatever the children I am working with have or get. I'm literally forcing liquids down my throat in an attempt to keep me from getting too sick. After all the more water I'm drinking the more of a chance of flushing out any bugs I might catch. I've literally downed about 1500 ml today alone. No wounder I feel like I've spent so much time in the bathroom. Did I mention that whenever I wipe a runny nose in my church's nursery I use either soap and water or hand sanitizer directly after throwing out the Kleenex? I'd highly recommend using hand sanitizer. One thing that amazes me is the fact that I haven't ever had a sinus infection, and my parents are actually prone to sinus infections over colds. So how am I so lucky to only ever catch colds and never a sinus infection??? I can't answer that because I really don't know.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


"Never feel alone
for I'll always be with you
home is where the heart is meant to be
you'll always have a home inside of me
And we will walk this road together
I'll shelter you from burden
just lean your weight on me
storms may bridge the distance
but you'll always have a home here
right here inside my arms
there's a love waiting just for you
I never know this form of love existed
a world away from love I had never known
so hold me in your arms
cause you'll be mine forever...
never feel alone
for I'll always be with you
home is where the heart is meant to be
you'll always have a home inside of me
no matter where the journey leads you
if your path leads you somewhere new
you'll always have a home in this heart of mine
so hold me in your arms
you'll be mine forever
and when you lay inside my arms
I'll protect you for always
never feel alone
I'll always be with you
home is where the heart is meant to be
you'll always a home inside of me"
Scott Alan

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Emmys...WOW!

So I didn't actually watch the emmys, but I did hear a bid about them this morning. As I was watching Good Morning America, they did a short clip on the emmys with various interviews and clips of the acceptance speeches. I was jumping up and down when I saw the Kristin Chenoweth won an emmy for best supporting actress (THANKS ABC FOR CANCELING PUSHING DASIES! YOU SHOULD'VE KEPT IT!) I didn't get to see or hear her acceptance speech, but I should be able to find it on youtube in the next couple of days. Most people who know of Kristin Chenoweth will know of her because she won a tony for her role in You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, she has starred in several musicals including Phantom (the predecessor to Andrew Llyod Webbers The Phantom of the Opera), Wicked, The Apple Tree, starred in Pushing Daisies, and also starred in The West Wing. I naturally wanted to know more, so I took a quick look at news stories about her win. Here's what I was able to gather:
  • it's not unprecedented for a show to win an emmy after it's been canceled, but it is RARE, so it was no wounder that Kristin was shocked when she won.
  • she is making an apperance on an upcoming episode of FOX's Glee. (YIPEE for Cheno sightings!)

I guess while backstage Kristin was checked out by paramedics because she was complaining of a severe migrane headache, but recovered and was doing fine.

And what was I doing while all of this was happening??? I was busy with a bunch of things. I was at church from 3:30 pm until about 7PM for two different things. I was there until just after six to work in the nursery for a couple kids that needed child care during a women's potluck (THANKS for feed the kids and the two of us who worked!), then I headed over to the youth center to meet our new youth director, and let him know I can chaperone. Once I got home it was time to watch some sunday night football and have some microwave popcorn (YUM!!!).

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Two (well, really three) in one day

So this is my second post of the day on this blog, but my third overall. But that's not my point.

Some time ago I was watching the news, and there was something they mentioned that I had to check out. The news mentioned a site called wish upon a hero ( and people can use it for free. You set up an account. Then you can search wishes and help people get their wishes. You can also post your wishes. I suggest going there--you never know what will happen.

9/15/09 update

I thought I'd share something here that I am about to share on my other blog (, with a part of the story behind how this came about.

I can't wait to see you
can't wait to hear your voice
or feel your presence next to me
and I've learned the most from watching you
more from you
than from the teacher I'm with
I know the theory
I know the kids
and I've found myself thinking
that someday I want to be in your shoes
I want to be the owner
I want to do the hiring
but most of all
I want to be a director
you've been teaching me-
without even realizing it-
what I need to know to be the director
that I am
so I'll follow my teacher's lead
I'll take everything in
and in the end
I'll begin to plan my future

In my other blog, there will be more as to the project that I am working on that this will be apart of. But now for the true story behind this. I've been spending so much more time with two year olds now that I am going with the child development program at school. In the process of that I've meet quite a few people that work at child care centers, or are directors of child care centers. The thing I kept finding was that the more time I spent in these child care settings was that I might start my own child care center after I finish this program. There have been two people that really have gotton to me (Karen and Marla). Karen is the director of one child care center that I really liked, and am hoping to eventually get a job at after I finish this program. Marla is someone I work with in my church's nursery, and has been great...she got me going with teaching two-year-old sunday school (who knew it woould take so much work to plan for two year old sunday school???).

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm back

I should be doing regular Tuesday posts starting today and going through mid-December. Which will be nice to get into a routine of blogging again.

The Loons ( made it into the playoffs (YAY!). So, come to the first playoff game at home on Wensday August 9 at 7:05 pm (doors open at 6 pm), tickets are available and start at seven dollars. Hopefully they'll do well in the playoffs. School starts today for me (WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUMMER?).

I've been working on writing a musical (go to my other blog for more on this at Here's the short update--lyrics are done, and music is coming along slowley, but that's okay. I'm about to go and do a longer update post on the details for the musical on the blog I mentioned earlier in this paragraph, but only after I've finished this post. A big thing I'm considering doing is a sort of concert of the music from the musical with a few different voices when I get the music written so I can get a feel for how it will sound, and also get feedback from vocalists and from possible viewers of the show. I'd like to hear what people think of this idea--so if you've seen something like this idea, leave me a comment here or e-mail at with your comments about how concerts like this have gone (did they work or not?).

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I don't know which part is harder...not knowing where you'll be tomarrow, today, next week, or not knowing when you're coming home. I miss you're smile... Wrote Jennifer in her letter to Kathrine while Kathrine was deployed in Iraq. After everything Jennifer had been through, it was the hardest thing that she had to do. After Coreen's death, Jennifer wasn't sure of how to get up in the morning without remembering how much she missed her first wife. When Kathrine and Jennifer had married, Jennifer was so glad to love and be loved again. But she didn't know how she would handle it when Kathrine was on patrol as one of Midland's police officers. But that fear, the fear of loosing to an out of control driver, was something of the past. Now that Kathrine was gone in Iraq, Jennifer was constantly scared...what if she got injured, what if she died, what if she never came back? There were so many questions, and nobody could answer them for Jennifer.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sunday afternoon baseball

Yesterday afternoon was one of the Loons last Sunday afternoon home games, which turned out to be both a shut-out and one hot game. The Loon's not only had two home runs, but also shut out the Whitecaps with a score of 6 to 0. As for the heat-I would never suggest going to a baseball game when it is 90 degrees and humid out.

The weather truly stunk for those of us who were working. As usual I was at the hand dipped ice cream stand, which was undoubtedly busy. People wanted anything to cool off with. That off course meant water, ice cream, pop, and beer. I was just thankful that most people only wanted a cone, and not banana splits, hot fudge brownies, or sundaes. This stroke of luck speed (sp?) up the line considerably. Thankfully I had brought several bottles of water, so I didn't overheat, or end up dehydrated.

I hope I never have to work in 90 degree humid weather again!

I honestly don't know how many people know about the Great Lakes Loons, so I might as well share some info on them. The Great Lakes Loons are a single A affiliate for the Dodgers based in Midland, MI and are currently in their third season. The Michigan Baseball Foundation (MBF) in very much apart of the Loon's operations, and donates quite a bit of money to local organizations. Then there is Professional Sports Catering or PSC, which does all the food service at Dow Diamond. I know that if you go to you can buy tickets to games, see the season schedule, apply for jobs, view upcoming promotions, and quite a few other things. I suggest going to for more information.

Friday, July 31, 2009


"I've waited for the right time
that faight would be on my side...
falling in love
so foolishly
I'm tired of waiting...
just take the first step...
my simple request
and feight will seal the rest." "My Simple Request"

This song is brilliantly written...and yes I chose only exerpts of it leaving out the funniest parts so you really have to watch the video to get an idea of how great this song is. But I chose just exerpts of it for a reason. As you may know (if you've been a frequent reader of this blog) that I am gay/lesbian depending on which you prefer to use. Growing up I knew that I was different, but I never really knew how to explain it or that there was a word such as lesbian/gay that described me to a tea. When it finally hit me that I am gay things really began to fall into place for me. So many of the feelings I had had were finally making sense; so naturally things began coming together. The part of the above quote about falling in love foolishly is so great. It really does bring out an element of my life that seems to happen over and over. There are so many people I've found myself attracted to that I simply can't have because they are straight (aka difference in sexuality!) so quite often (in fact most of the time when I do fall in love) I fall in love quite foolishly.

"What you don't know
is that I'd do anything for you
what you don't know is that
I'd do anything for you
Love me love me not
counting petals on the floor
stop being so afraid
to let our love become more
take me take me in
I won't let you down
I'm not running
I'm not leaving today...
Love me love me not
counting petals on the floor
stop being so afraid of letting our love become more
take me take me in
I won't let you down
I'm not running
I'm not leaving
I'm not hiding...
I'm not wanting anybody else today but you
just you" "Love me Love me not"

This quote contains so much good advice for people at my age. So many people are so afraid of letting their love become more. For me it's something I do have to work at. So often I try to control my love knowing that it's possible that somebody I've fallen in love with might not be gay. I sometimes have to keep myself from running or hiding from who I am and who I have fallen in love with. The very beggining of the quote really gets me. I'd do just about anything for my friends; and I'm sure I'd do just about anything for somebody that I fall in love with and who falls in love with me.
"I've got a hunger burning inside me
can not be denied...
that spark of creation...
spark of creation
is blazing through my blood...
the first inspiration
the spark of creation
I see a mountain
and I want to climb it
I see a river
and I'm utterly sure
where there was nothing
let there be someting
someting made by me
there are things waiting me to invent them...
I am an echo of
let there be a spark of creation
buring bright within me
a spark of creation
won't let me rest at all
until i discover
or build or uncover
a thing I can call my celebration
a spark of creation
a spark of creation
may it burn forever
a spark of creation...
when your burn with a imagination
sooner or later your feeling the fire
get higher and higher
the spark of creation" "Spark of Creation"

"...The only demons
are all in my mind
was it his voice
was it his smile
I haven't felt so wonderful in quite a while
all of this time there was just me
maybe he's a preview of how good my life can be
I'm not alone
someones freed me from this lonely tower
someones by my side as I face the unknown
I'm not alone...
I'm not alone anymore
where there was one
now there are two
that's the kind of magic only love can do...
I can move a mountain now with just a single touch
I'm not alone
someones freed me from this lonely tower
someones by my side
as I face the unknown
I'm not alone...
I'm not alone anymore
I keep floating two feet off the ground
I forget my fears when he's around...
somebodys by my side as I face the unknown
I'm not alone...
I'm not alone
anymore" "I'm not Alone"

The above quotes are truley beautiful. The first quote says someting to the extent of wanting to move mountains when you see one...I understand that feeling. During late March 2007, I saw a mountain I wanted to move. That mountain became my two screenplays. I originally wanted to move anyone that might come across or read the first screenplay. It turned out that it moved how I view the world, and I acheived what I wanted. In that same quote there is something about a my celebration. In a way that first screenplay became my celebration of who I have become during the years, and a way of life that so many live, and so many people know so little about.

The second quote really gets me. For me, this would make so much more sense if you changed the word he or his to her or she. In so many ways there have been several people that did what that second quote says...One was Pat Gahn, anouther was Katie from the Loons, a third was Marj from the Loons, and a fourth that did it for me was Alyson from the Loons. In a way Pat freed me from the tower I was living in for so many years, and Marj, Katie, and Alyson has been at my side.

I should be posting anouther post later tonight (after I get this one up and going.) with some other things that I want to blog about, but that I feel belong in a different blog because of some things I want to write about it.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

part two

Yesterday I posted a short peice of something I had the idea for at work. Today I will post more of it, and once again a peice of it is based off of an idea I had at work yesterday, and a second peice of it based off of something I thought of tonight at work. Here I go!

Alyson isn't just a friend of Julia's, but also an arranger that helped Julia so much on her first solo album. It was that first solo album that Julia was doing a tour for now. As Julia got warmed up at that beat up grand piano on a stage in Midland, Michigan, Alyson scooted past Julia; and their eyes caught the others eyes. Alyson raised her eyebrows, and Julia couldn't help but smile. There was a mutual understanding in that raise of the eyebrows saying how chaotic things were, and yet how soothing it was to go through this routine of warming up and setting up with this touring band. Julia was wishing she could tell Alyson how much she loved her, and Alyson wished she could tell the world what she believed in and how wrong they were about who she is. Minutes passed, and they were ready for the concert. As they stood backstage, Alyson and Julia stood side by side silently. Alyson puts her hand on Julia's shoulder.

"You'll be fine." whispers Alyson

"I love you." replies Julia in a whisper.

Their eyes reconnect, and Julia walks out onto the stage to begin the show.

"Wow..." whispers Alyson to herself in surprise, "I never knew..."

The concert would be a hit amoungst the attendees. As everyone was standing, streching and walking out of the auditorium at the end of the show, no one realized what was about to happen backstage. The moment the final encore was over, Julia headed backstage to change into jeans and a T-Shirt as to be more comfortable on her way to the hotel. It was in the dressing room that Alyson awaitted Julia's arrival.

"Hey Alyson." says Julia

"Hey." replies Alyson, "You did great!"


"I love you too."

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Tonight at work, I was standing there alone watching people and thinking. That was when I had an idea for a short story. This will be just the beggining of it, and I will (well hopefully will) post more blogs here with more of this story as it comes to me over the summer. Now I know my other blog is the one that I usually do the story stuff on, but I haven't posted here very often, so I thought this one could be my spifffy little blog here. Here I go!

As Julia stood there getting set up for the big concert, she began feeling a little stressed out; but that was normal. It was when she looked up from the piano that she was warming up at that she saw Alyson, who was looking her way. Alyson's look said it all-this was crazy, but the good crazy that really got you ready for a fun night.

"God I wish she knew how I feel" thinks Julia "I wish I could sing a song telling her I love her, proclaim it to the world without being rejected"

What Alyson had no idea about was the way Julia felt about her. Very few people knew that Julia is gay, and even though Alyson knew, she had no idea how much Julia loved her. Nobody really knew if Alyson was dating, and for that matter nobody really knew if she was straight or gay. The only thing Julia knew for sure was that Alyson was the women that she wanted to spend the rest of her life living with and loving with all of her heart.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


I still seem to be incompitent at finding love...but thats just my life. I've been hard at work on my novel titled "X Marks the Spot". Go to for more information on how things are going with it.

Seeing how I am babysitting right now, and the kids are asleep, I am blogging. I got to thinking and it hit me just how profound something I wrote tonight for my novel is. I wrote "It is in loving that we learn to loose, and in loosing we love. And what happens when someone we love so dearly dies? We truley begin to understand how much they mean to the world, and to ourselves. Sometimes as we loose, and we in turn learn to love, we begin to appretiate ourselves more."

Just putting that out there for consideration.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Blood Donor

Hey blog people!

This is my first post in a while. Sorry about that. I've been concentrating more on my other blog (, and on the novel and musical I have been writing. My other blog (click that link above to see it) is a lot of whats going on with that musical and novel. On to what I've been doing latley besides writing.


I'm working for a minor leauge baseball team called the great lakes loons ( in food service. If you go to you can see our schedual and buy tickets, and see all kinds of other cool stuff. Tonights game will be my first night at the hand dipped ice cream, which I am quite excited about. I am also working in my church's nursery chasing kids around. The night before my 21 birthday I was working, and one of the kids drew me a cute picture that I have in my room.

Okay now to explain the title of this blog. I've been a blood donor for several years now. I highly sugguest it. Every pint of blood you donate can save up to three lives, which is brilliant. You can save up to three lives and only spend an hour of your time. The last time I donated I hit the 1 gallon mark! If you do decide to donate blood in your area, remember to drink LOTS of water beforehand and eat at least one healthy meal beforehand. It really will help. I've already drunk 1016 mL of water (thats just been since 8AM this morning). The more water you drink before donating blood the better, and you WILL spend a lot more time on the toliet that day.

I've got to get going to my other blog momentarly so that I can give that audience (which I'm sure is different than the audience of this blog) an update as to how some things are going. I'll let you all know how my blood donatation goes this morning.



"Theres a fine fine line between a lover and a friend
theres a fine fine line between reality and pretend" Avenue Q

Friday, May 22, 2009


Earlier in the week I was watching the movie "ET" for the first time since I was in elementary school (hint: I'm 21). Yesterday one of my friends (Leesy) and I were on a little picture adventure, and we got to talking about the movie. Basically Leesy and I can remember our first experiences with ET. Mine was actually and amazingly great experience. I loved ET to death in elementary school, and can clearly remember wanting to take him home. Now on to my latest experience with ET...

Watching it this time, I had this clear feeling of wanting to just keep him forever. As ET died, I just about started crying...I really wanted him to live at that moment, and of course I didn't remember the ending, so I had no hope until the unexpected happened. It's that last scene, when the space ship door closes, and the last thing you see of him is his lit up red heart. That really got me. In all honesty I actually cried at the end. That last scene reminds me of the love and friendship ET and Elliot have and had for each other. It also makes me think of so many other things.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Donation button and more

As you may have noticed, I added a donation button to my blog. I did this purposly so that people (only if you want to) can donate any amount of money to me. Any money donated is going to be used for getting my screenplays made into movies/films, getting my novel published (once i finish it), and getting my musical on some sort of stage when I finish the writing of the book lyrics and music.

As for my musical....
I wrote several new songs last night that will likley be placed in the second act. As I was cleaning out my desk last night (btw, who cleans out their desk on the 21 birthday??) I found some old poems I wrote, that I realized I could use for the musical if I just re-wrote a couple of the lines.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The bible...

Okay this one is a quick one....
can someone tell me where (book and chapter) in the bible that says something against gay people/gay marriage. I was trying to find this tonight and was preocupied by the virus I was removing from my computer and couldnt find anything in any of my three different bibles. PLEASE HELP by telling me where to find this really quite curious where it is.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Soundtrack of your life.

Rules: Open your music player, and put on shuffel. Then plug in each title and artist for the soundtrack of your life.

Opening Credits: "Thank Goodness" from Wicked
Waking Up: "Thank God I Found You" by Mariah Carey
First Day At School: "Emmanuel" by Amy Grant
Falling In Love: "Good Old fasioned lover boy" by Queen (hehehehe--I'm gay)
Fight Song: "Planet Z" by Idina Menzel
Breaking Up: "Cant Let Go" by Mariah Carey
Prom: "Fathers Eyes" by Amy Grant
Life: "Without You" from RENT
Mental Breakdown: "Killer Queen" by Queen
Driving: "Love Song" by Hanson
Flashback: "La Vie Boheme B" from RENT
Getting Back Together: "I can Show You the World" from Aladin
Wedding: "I'll Cover You Reprise" from RENT
Birth of Child: "No One Mourns the Wicked" from Wicked
Final Battle: "Death of the Beast" from Beauty and the Beast
Death Scene: "He Lives in You" from The Lion King (the broadway musical version)
Funeral Song: "I'll Cover You" from RENT
End Credits: "Angels" by Amy Grant

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Above is the link to my deviant art page. Go check it out because that's where I will be posting all of my pictures that I take.

Monday, May 11, 2009

"A Little Bit Wicked Life, Love, and Faith in Stages"

Okay from the title of this blog, some of you dear readers might know what book I am reading (aka the title of this blog is the title of the book). I'm reading it for the second time so I can do all the underlining I like...lets just say some librarians hate me. Once I own a book I write all over it so I can find my favorite bits.

On page five Kristin Chenoweth writes "I'm getting nervous. This doesn't happen much anymore. Like everyone around me, I'm a seasoned pro. Stage fright is a thing of the past. But tonight, as I prepare to step onstage, a hollow, little ice cube of doubt forms in the pit of my touch stomach. I close my eyes. Heavenly Father..."
I can remember reading this section the first time through, and completely getting it. As a middle schooler, I was the new kid with my piano teacher, and by far the least expereinced when it came to piano recitals, and on top of all that I was the begginer in the group of students at the recital. Just wait till you have to do this can be more nerve wracking than you realize. Thank God for experience...the next piano recital I was much more relaxed...sure I still had a small case of nerves the next recital, but each recital it got so much better. I caught up with everyone else after about six months. Within a year I was towards the top of the group of us students. By the time I was during my junior year of high school, I was eaisly at the top, and ahead of everybody...during that time I would do the recitals and wouldn't have the nerves. I made some mistakes, and I would always end up laughing at my mistakes. Then my senior year at my last piano recital, I had nerves. The funny thing is that in March of 2006 I did a dinner theater at my church, and I didn't have any nerves that day.

Friday, May 8, 2009


Here I am
take me for what I am
don't tell what
or who
to be
just let me be me

last night I dreamed of you
dreamed of your touch
that I felt yesterday
and I'm finding myself
more in love everyday
that passes by

Everytime I see you
I can remember why
I fell for you
that first time
so here I am
being who I am
and finally being able
to relax into it

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I never thought
I'd be here today
watching people walk by
selling dippin dots
to any baseball fans
yet here I am
I'm watching people
trying to decide
which people I find
the most attractive
and it seems so strange
yet I know it's not
this can't be completley weird
and I never thought I'd feel this way
as I wait for gates to open
wait for a rush of fans
yet here I am
watching you walk along
and interact with all the staff
so here I am
so in love
with someone that I can't
well shouldn't

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

As I look out my window
I can see all this green
and i wounder where this life of mine
is going
i wounder where you are
I wounder what you're doing now

And all I know
is that you're out there
doing something that I will never know
and I'm sitting here
staring out my window
questioning who I am
what I'm supposed to do
with my life

Tonight I'll see you again
tonight we'll work together again
and I'll remember why
I fell in love with you
and I'll remember why we can't be together
maybe life is stranger
than I ever thought it could be

Maybe my life is crazy
maybe I am crazy
but who says I can't enjoy my life
why should I follow the crowds
I'll do my own thing
I'll live my own crazy life
and maybe I'll enjoy it
yes I'll enjoy it
I'll enjoy my life
enjoy being me!


I've been rather busy latley with trying to find a job; working for the loons; working in my church's nursery, sleeping, writing my novel, and writing my musical. This past weekend my mom's parents were here to visit saturday and sunday, so I didn't have time to do a whole lot on my own. Recently I started teaching myself ASL (American Sign Language), and have learned a few signs every day. Currently my vocabularly inludes:


I know it's not a lot, but the words I have been learning are ones I'll be able to use when I work in my church's nursery if and when we get a deaf child. Who knows; it could be helpful someday. I have a post in my lyrics/poems series of blogs coming up later this afternoon or early tomarrow.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Picture perfect post

It's time for me to share the pictures I've captured since the beggining of April. These are just a sampling of them all, but if you go to you can see the rest of the pictures from my Nikon Coolpix digital camera.

That's Cooper from the church I go too.

This next picture is one of my all time favorites.

Monday, April 20, 2009

"Watching you"

So these lyrics I literally just wrote in the last three minutes. I'm titling it "Watching You"...hopefully I can find some time to write the music and record it to post here. I want to share the back story of this one after I show you the lyrics.

I'm watching you
do your thing
but from a distance
I can't watch you close up
'cause then you'd know how I feel
about you
and I'm not quite ready for that
but someday I will tell you
how I feel about you

I love you
with all my heart
and I look every game
'cause you're the light of my world
you make me smile
everytime I see you
even from a distance
I love you
with all my heart

And when you leave me a message
I save it
and listen to it
over and over
again and again
'cause your voice makes me smile

And hearing your voice
seeing your around the stadium
makes me happy
makes me smile
'cause I love you so much
I wish you were here next to me
I wish I could hold you forever
I wish you were mine forever

Someday you'll be mine
someday I'll be yours
I get to sit here
listening to your voice on my answering machine
I wait for the next homestand
so I can see you again
someday Ill say I love you

Here's the back stoy for everyone and anyone who might be reading. As some of you may well know, I am working for the great lakes Loons ( in food service. You also might know that I am gay/lesbian (whichever term you prefer.). This song is based off of something I've been feeling for one of the members of the front office staff. I've know this particular person for over a year now, and can remember a time when I was still in the closet and finding myself attracted to her. Since that time I have come out of the closet to most everybody I know, except for this person that I wrote this about.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Nim's Island

In this afternoons blog-i'm going deviate a little from my series of blogs (poems and song lyrics) to blog a bit about the movie Nims Island. I literally just finished watching it, and must say that it was great! Part of the reason it was so good was Jodie Foster, Abigal Breslin and Gerard Butler...all three of whom and fans of. It was well done over all--the beauty of it all was amazing. I particularly love the ending; you really have no idea what happens to all three (Alex, Nim, and Jack).

As a kid I always loved watching a good movie. This is still true of me today. But today, I have much more of a range of a like of movies. I've found drama, comedy, musicals, kids movies, and animations are all great. I also have found a couple foriegn films I like. The thing about my movie obcession since March 2007 is that I actually study what makes these films/movies I watch so good and sometimes so auful that way. As you may know from reading eaither this blog, or reading I have written two screenplays, am working on a novel, and am working on writing a stage musical. So watching movies both good and bad have helped me greatly to figure what parts of the story to include in the two screenplays I've written.

The Walk

Went for a walk today

saw you going the other way

and as we pass

our eyes meet

and you ask me

"How you doing?"

It's your eyes

it's your smile

it's your thoughtfullness

that got me at "Hello"

yet this wont

cant work

everyone tells me it wont

and I know it's true

After all

your my boss

and you cant play favorites

it all makes sense

but what I'd wish

if I could wish one thing

it would be

that we could be together

forever more

Theres no denying

that I've fallen in love

with you

nothins felt so right

or more real

than this does

as we pass each other


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Name Rachel Steven,
Birthday May 20 88,
social security number
is now nine astricks long,
any previous jobs?,
no way...
why'd you have to ask me that?
please give me a job
that's all I'm asking for
in the here and now
I can start tomarrow
but who really cares
what position would you like?
I'll take whatever you can give me
it aint easy
trying to find a job
and strangley enough
I've got a feeling
that's somethings comeing
I've got a feeling
that I'll get this job
wouldn't that be awesome
if I could get this job
please give me a job
just give me a job...

It's a new day after all

Open your eyes sleepy head
Roll out of bed
stare out the window
its a new day after all

Here I am
Here I am again
staring out this window
the only change today
is what Im thinkin

Who am I
and what am I doin here
I've been wandering all these years
and I've finally found where I want to be

So I'll roll out of bed
rub those sleepy eyes of mine
look out the window
and run out the door
its time to great the new day
and a new dream
that is so close to comin true
Im dreaming of you
we've worked together
we've stayed together
nothing has pulled us apart

Staying together
working together
together for always
loving for always

I miss seeing your face
every other friday
having you around
and seeing your face
was always a pleasure


Im dreaming again
of seeing you again
of sticking together
looking back
at working together
at staying together
at nothing pulling us apart
Here I am
staring at the wall
woundrin where I go from here
what happens
now we're almost done
they took you from me
and put you at lemonaide
so Im standing here alone
woundrin how Ill cope
being so alone
just looking around
it looks so emptywill people see just me
or will they see who they want me to be
all they see is an employee
not a person who is in her last day of her job

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

she's out there somewhere
and she's safe
she can't be dead
otherwise I'd know

I'd know
'cause my gut tells me she is alive
and safe
somewhere out there
in this big bright beautiful world
that was too big
and not bright and beautiful
when he took her from me

someday I'll find her
and we'll be happy
and the world will be big
bright and beautiful
it'll be the world it was
before she disapeared into it
on the darkest day of my life

I'll never give up on her
'cause my gut tells me
she's here somewhere
and I'll see her again
I just know it

Friday, March 27, 2009

I'd love to share my heart
to confess the things yearn
but that's not how it works
not with who I am
some call me a freak
others call me strange
but I'm me
yes, I'm me
I may be different
I may seem strange to you
but this is who I am
To me you're strange
but you aren't a freak
no your not a freak
you're just different from me
there's always more to the story that you see
I might not have my picture perfect, happy ending
but I'm sure it'll be here someday
someday I'll confess my heart; confess the things I yearn
and someday I'll be able to say
"I Love You"
I'll say
I love you
and I really do
there's so much more to my story
there's that perfect, and happy ending
its out there somewhere
in this big bright beautiful world
don't we deserve it all
don't we deserve it all?

New series of blogs

I'm starting a new series of blogs here. They are going to be the lyrics/poems I write or might find laying around my room. There's something about writing them then sharing them that makes the work I put into these things that makes sharing them worthwile.

My obcessions...

I really wanted to bring someting up in this blog that has plauged me since I was a kid. I literally go through stages of obcessions. I wanted to make a list of some of my more recent obcessions...
1.Julie Andrews
2. writing
3. RENT (Well this is an obcession that's been with me since about 2000)
4. Disney Movies (this one comes and goes)
5. Wicked (This ones been with me since fall 2006)
6. Stephanie J Block
7. Tracie Thoms
8. Sutton Foster
9. Youtube
10. BlogTV
11. Twitter
12. Facebook
13. Myspace
14. Srek the Musical (I have a feeling that this one will be with me for years)

So that's just the short list...

As for my obcession with Shrek the musical, I love the song "Who I'd Be". As I was listening to this song one day earlier this week, I came up with the lyrics to a song I'm working on the music for now. Here are thos lyrics:

Who would I be
if I could be anyone
would there be
that happy ending
that perfect, happy ending
or would there be
more to do
more to be
more to see
I guess I'd be
that person I can feel
inside me
hiding inside me
theres a big
and bright beautiful world
out there
but I can't quite reach it
there's that perfect
and happy
that I deserve
but it's out of reach
just past my fingertips
and when I finally make it
I'll see that bright beautiful world
and I'll get that great
perfect beautiful ending

Monday, March 16, 2009

Biker gangs

This past friday (3/13/09) a couple friends and I wanted to do something fun. So, we created our own biker gang. We don't ride motercycles, so this our version of a biker gang is one that uses human powered bikes. Naturally we took a few pictures of ourselves around town. But before we even considered going anywhere, we had to make ourselves armbands. As we were creating these masterpeices, we decided to come up with a catchy slogan. What did we come up with you ask? We came up with the following slogan:

Death by hardcore passion

Friday, February 27, 2009

Where have I been?

I really don't know. I seem to have found myself completley disconected from the internet last week, and finally this week got back on to check my many accounts from Facebook to Myspace to Youtube to my e-mail. Did I mention I came down with a cold late yesterday; and thankfully it came only after my dental cleaning. Did I mention I had someone ask me out????? I guess I really should adress what I've been up too.

1. Bell choir--what fun!! Several weeks ago, and well after the holidays, we had our holiday party. It was quite a bit of fun just hanging out with a bunch of friends the night before the super bowl.

2. Dental cleaning--I originally had it schedualed for Febuary 19, but the dentists office had to re-schedual on me since the hygenist couldn't be there on the 19th. So I had my teeth cleaned yesterday morning.

3. Church Nursery--I work roughly two sunday mornings a month, Tuesday night (a financial class), and Wensdays during Lent for the services.

4. Yes someone asked me out yesterday. Let's just say that he didn't know, and still doesn't know I'm gay. Kind of sad actually...I felt so bad for saying no, but I really didn't want to lie about who I am. This particular guy seemed nice, and probobly would be the kind of guy I would fall for if I wasn't gay.

5. Writting writting writtting....see for details of what I've been working on writing latley.

6. Keeping up my deviant art user name there is ppmusic2010.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Here are a bunch of pictures!!!

This first one is of Matthew. This kind of gets at his typical goofyness.

Owen (from above) literally looked up to see the camera, and said cheese without prompting just before I snapped the picture.

The above two were taken in a nearby local wooded area this past weekend when it was about 50 degrees out. 50 degree weather in Febuary sure is unusual for Michigan.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I got love

"I got love
I got love
I got love
I got love love love...
I got love
sweet sweet love...
I'm talking to my pillow,
'cause I got love...
I got a jar of honey,
and every day is sunny
because I got love..." Julie Reiber

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ten Handbell commandments

1. Thou shalt attend rehersals with steady faithfullness
2. Thou shalt not touch graven metal with thy bear hands
3. Thou shalt not take thy sharps and flats in vein
4. remeber thy preformance dates and keep them holy
5. Remember thy director that their days may be long upon the land
6. Thy shalt not covet your neighbors bell assignment
7. Thou shalt not tap foot with exeeding loudness
8. Thou shalt not steel thou neighbors pencil
9. Thous shal return thou bells to their cases, shiny and unscathed
10. thou shal return thy director to his or her car shiny and unscathed

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I was just checking to see how my youtube videos ( to see how they were doing, and I took a look at youtube insight. For those of you who don't know what youtube insight is, it's a way for those of us with videos on youtube to see how many people are viewing our videos, the viewers sex and age ranges viewing, and where you videos are most viewed. As I was looking at it, I saw that my videos are most viewed in the US, Spain, Urkraine, Finland, and Romania. At first I was a little surprised fy Finland and Romania, but then it hit me that I had done a couple of music videos to Tarja songs who in Finish. If you don't know who Tarja is, you should check her out. I'm going to post one of my favorite songs of hers here; it's of a concert she did.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Seriously...I swear today was meant to be a bad day

So far it's be a bad day. Well maybe not a bad day, just a frusterating and rather confusling day. I woke up at 7AM this morning, as usual and went outside to move my car so my mom could get to work. That's when things started going completley wrong. My car WOULDN'T start. So, my mom is borrowing a neighbors car for the time being, and I have the battery charger charging up the battery in my car. Hopefully the thing is charged enought to work at 11 this morning. I wasn't half surprised when the garage door decided it wasn't going to stay closed for me this morning. It's kind of a surprise that most things around here a still working considering that I've had some stinky luck when it comes to getting things to work this morning. I promise I'll blog later today with what happens with that annoying car battery that for whatever reason decided to quit on me suddenly.

Friday, January 23, 2009


So check out these pics from my new digital camera, well it's not so new now that it's almost a month old, and has been well used!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Holidays in photos

The holidays bring so many fun moments. This year my parents gave me a digital camer (FINALLY!). That first picture I took of my brother on New Years day as he was on the floor watching the rose bowl parade and I was sitting on the couch.

The rest of these pictures are of the pointsetta that my parents bought somewhere back in early December. The first two of the pointsetta I took just a few minutes ago. I love the lighting of that first one!